Sunday, June 22, 2008

Foot in Mouth

A Hero

No one walked out that Tuesday morning and thought about becoming a hero. We all just moved through the morning like it was any other beautiful autumn day with the prefect blue sky.

A freak accident was the first speculation, soon the heartbreak of our whole country and the world were recognized. The kids were released early from school. Everyone wanted to get home and hold on as tight as they could to family. The answering machine was already blinking, calls from my sisters, just checking if we were ok and to say I love you. I love you too.

Hero; a person admired for courage. The news was filled with stories of so many heroes. I wondered could I be a hero if needed? Did I know a hero? I do. Ben Portnoy.

My family lived in Levittown, Pennsylvania across the street from Ben and Helen Portney and their two children Allen and Iris. Ben was the gentle giant type. He was a foreman at a company that cleaned out oil tanks. He played baseball out in the front lawn with Allen and made sure Iris was dressed like a little princess and had lots of fluffy dresses. Ben had nicknames for people. When I would go over to play with Iris, the big bear of a guy would come to the door, usually in his boxer shorts and say, ”ah, my little chicken” and give me a pinch on the cheek. He called my dad “Cosmo” or “Cos”(the name Cosmo means order,organization,beauty). My mom and Helen had their morning coffee club and would talk, talk, talk. That’s what it seemed like to me. They would go shopping together sometimes too, Helen didn’t drive and my mom was one of the few moms back then with a car of her own. One trip they came home with matching dress (different colors), a one-piece shirt and shorts with a wrap around skirt that could be worn over the shorts. A tennis now, lunch later, all in one outfit.

There was a very bad snowstorm one winter and everyone lost their power for a day or so. Lines were down and hidden under the snow and people were killed walking on them. You didn’t want to be outside. But Ben crossed the street so we would have a camp stove to cook on. He was a good neighbor and friend. Always there to give my dad a helping hand with many home improvement projects.

One afternoon I came home from school and found Iris and Allen at our house. My mom had picked them up early from school. Their mother had to leave, there had been some kind of accident at work was all we were told. So we waited. What we didn’t know yet was that Ben had been killed in the accident. His crew was working in a tank that had high levels of fumes and two of his men had passed out. He called for help, but instead of waiting for them to arrive he went down in the tank alone to pull them out. He didn’t make it, he was over-come by the fumes too. Helen came home and walked her children across the street and my mom broke the news to us. I’ll never forget that scream that came from across the street.

Sometime later Iris was over and her and my sister and I were playing some silly game we made up under the table. I don’t remember how it went but that we were firing questions at each other around in a circle, things like, who’s your mother, what are you going to be, what’s your favorite color, and so on. When it was my turn I said something dumb like, what’s your dad do? We all froze. Iris’s face lost its color and looked like it melted off. She jumped up and ran home. I felt so so bad and stupid, but the worst part is, I can’t remember going over and saying I was sorry. I hope I did. That was my foot and mouth moment.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most!

I have misplaced a whole lot of things in my life, believe me, the list could fill volumes. I have recited ”St. Anthony, St. Anthony, please come down, something been lost and MUST be found”. This has worked many times, but I do get nervous he’s going to give up on me one of these days.

This passed Thursday, I had my panties all in a knot looking for a deposit slip. Oh, I was near tears, ranting on and on to Frank that I just need to stay focused and get organized. He was on his way out to the store and I’m sure was wondering if he should just keep on going and not come back. Lucky for him, when he returned I had found the darn thing. And once again I swore “I will stay on top of this stuff for now on!” HA, we’ll see about that!

As you know, I have a new red scooter. Well along with having to get out to buy a helmet, goggles and a safety vest, (oh boy, I’m sure my kids are going to disown me) I also needed to finish reading my Motorcycle Safety Manual, and go take the knowledge test. So Saturday morning I finished reading the booklet and got on the computer to take the practice test. Out of 25 questions I only got 2 wrong (and I think I was right and the test was wrong, but I won’t get into that). So off I go to take my test WOOWOO! I got there and first fumbled around in my purse for my drivers license (because I know I have one somewhere), find it, filled out the paper, passed the eye test and then went and passed the computer test (2 wrong again, but I didn’t know the answer this time). I go back to the man to write my check and get my permit. He is looking at the computer screen with this puzzled look on his face. Oh Shit, I bet he is looking at my speeding ticket and now I won’t be able to get my permit. He says, I never saw this code before, it says you have already applied for a motorcycle license? Now I am heading down the dark hole, OH MY GOD, did someone steal my identity and get a motorcycle license?? Now he’s telling me, he can’t get out of this on the computer so that he can start all over again and he turns around and calls over Mr. Man. Well then Mr. Man takes a look and says, “it says you already have one, let me see your license”. So I show Mr. Man my license. He looks at it, makes a funny face and says,” you already have a motorcycle license, see right here, the M!” Well, yes, there it is, an “M”, how about that, I guess I didn’t remember going for the motorcycle license before? Oh boy, now I am a whole lot more then a little embarrassed. So I say ok, thanks, grab my check and head for the door before Mr. Man decides I might not be fit for any kind of driver’s license period!


Oh, I was so right about the kids, when Robin saw me she asked "Mom, your not really going to ride around like that are you?" HAHA!! BEEP BEEP YOU LATER!!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Keep Your Eye on that SHIRT!






I have MANY, MANY great pictures from MOVIE night, I'll get to them when we get back from vacation. But a most curious and HILARIOUS thing happened! Well......Terry left, but, ho, her shirt, isn't this HER shirt?! Yes, yes it is!! Hahahahahahaha......Terry, you left something behind, Hon!!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Early Onset Foot and Mouth Disease....a Contest!

This entry contains a competition with fabulous prizes not yet thought of, but they WILL be GREAT.....or at least ___________. So sharpen your memory.....



First, let's re-visit this old high school picture from the Holy Crap! Shrine on top of my dresser. You will notice that the arrow and horns have migrated to the right of the picture this time.....it is really convenient to have MOVEABLE arrows and horns, I tell ya, it makes life so much easier! In the last entry both the horns AND the arrow were on that mean girl, Betsy Crabtoes. I have more stories about her, both good and bad, but this story is about Donna Sweetgirl (Name changed to protect the innocent) and myself. The arrow is pointing at Donna, who, I swear, was probably the nicest girl in my whole high school of 3000. I mean, genuinely nice. The horns are coming out MY awesomely dorky bubble hairdo, which Ellen tells me is now again in style. (REALLY?!?!?) I would of never imagined in high school how futurely fashionable I'd be all these years later!



My story, though, goes way back to fourth grade, ....9 years old(?).....my first memory of Foot and Mouth Disease. I can remember being consciously mean before that, but this is my first accidental case of saying the very wrong thing at the worst possible time. Here goes:



I had recently moved into a new neighborhood and a friend's mom was driving a bunch of us back from a Brownie Scout meeting (I think). Donna Sweetgirl.....also 9..... was in this car too. When we turned down her street, Donna said, "My house is the UGLIEST house on the whole street". Well, I imagine you can guess what I said. Yep, that's right. I pointed to what I considered was the UGLIEST house on the street and said, "It must be that one!" And, of course, that one WAS her house. Even at that tender age, I felt a wash of embarrassment roll over my whole body. I feel it now just thinking about it while I'm typing this. I felt it when I looked at that photo, which is many years after it happened. I get hot, mostly in the face, but my whole body reacts. I know I've said a whole bunch of really stupid things since then, but I don't remember any of them as well as that first time. ho....wowowowo.



So, the CONTEST....I've seen contests on another blog and thought.... What Fun! You can enter by using the comments. Just click on the "comments" place at the bottom of the entry....even if it says "0 comments", that's how you get there. Or you can e-mail me your story and I'll post it here on the blog. Or you can tell me your sad story, and I'll write it up for you. There are two catagories, 1. Earliest Foot and Mouth event (youngest) and 2. Worst Case of Foot and Mouth.

Good luck!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Archaeological Dig




Yesterday I had a real bee in my bonnet. It was great because this is an extremely rare event....I was cleaning off the surfaces of clutter that were all over the house. Why yesterday when usually I go for months? I'm not sure, but there's probably something else I want to do even LESS than clean up. Anyway, I de-cluttered the coffee table and side tables in the living room, and a real BIGGIE, the dining room table mail heap was sorted and filed and probably the most important item in there thrown away with all the catalogues and out-of-date coupons for millions of dollars. And it felt so good and looked so calming that I felt positively holy. The Holy Clean-Up.
I was so inspired in fact....this is how everything is done here, in giant spurts until steam wears out....that I sure as heck better do it before the bee flies off and the steam disapates....that I decided to tackle the top of my dresser. Oh my! That place is like an archaeological (yes, I did have to look up that spelling) dig. Holy Mackeral! What a lot of stuff! It's a phenomenon (no, I didn't look that one up) in need of documentation. The photo above was taken AFTER the 3 "National Geographics", 4 "Newsweeks" and 3 books were removed!
Once I got started, though, I realized what neat a collection of STUFF there was on that dresser. Many of those things were gifts or cards given to me. A lot of it is "present futures", things I buy with the intent of giving them away...and then I never get around to it. So instead of sorting, throwing away and putting away, I started arranging these things into a shrine of sorts. See what you think:

Let's see what we have here:

  • Stuffed Bear with pom-pom....gift to me, Happy Birthday
  • Stuffed Black Lab Puppy....gift, soft, sweet, low maintenance
  • DC Tour Package....gift, cashed in recently
  • SuperMom Card....there's a whole other story with this one
  • Hawaiiian Hula Girl....cheer-up present from when I broke my arm
  • "Drink Up Bitches Pin"....encouragement and sass
  • F@*#@K" Movie.....documentary....boring actually
  • NYC Walking Tour Cards, Car-Talk One-a-Day Calendar, Grow-Your-Own-Sixpack seeds
  • NCAA Championship Watch....will never, ever be worn in a million years
  • Menu from restaurant in Maine....circa 2001
  • Sexy Edible Panties and Peckermints....Silly Party alternate gifts
  • Weird Knitted Hat...another story
  • Travel Clock....never used
  • Graduate Duck.....too late now
  • Boss Lady Body Cream....yee doggies!
  • 3 Mini Garden Gnomes.....for protecting gardens of my gardening friends...never sent
  • Photo from High School....let's look at this a little more carefully.....

I AM in that photo. See if you can find me. Oh yes, what a DORK! haha!...that bubble of a hairstyle.

Also, you will notice the arrow, pointing to my friend, Betsy Crabtoes (not her real name). Betsy lived down the street from me and was my friend/enemy. Oh she could be so mean!! She mostly liked to "hang" with the older, more popular girls on our street but me and Holly (my next-door neighbor) would do in a pinch. But PINCHING was where Betsy Crabtoes excelled. She had these killer toes. I know it sounds really funny, but if you've ever been pinched by someone with "Toes of Steel" you wouldn't be laughing, oh no! She'd take that Big Toe of hers....and it was a HUGE toe....and quickly....she was fast as lightening!!....she'd take a hunk of your calf between her Big Toe and her Second Toe and PINCH the crap out of your leg! Man-O-Man, it could bring tears to your eyes.....and then she would laugh so hard. She was EVIL! So that's why I put those horns on her head...she was a Devil Girl! Decades later and I still cringe thinking about it.....

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

HERO found at Long's Park Summer Concert

Man-O-Man! The weather was PERFECT! The music had a good beat and you could dance to it. Food was just over there! And the crowd was havin' FUN! Quite a BANG! for your buck. FREE!! Now tell me again, why was it you weren't there? Oh, I know, too much other stuff to do....

See if you can find the Wags and Auxilliary that WERE there....9 of us...
Haha, that was a trick question....there are only 7 in the photo....one is outside the shot and one is taking the photo. If you found 7, then you get a star.
Here is the youngest member of our entourage. His smile definitely took on a bigger dimension after hitting the food area for some french fries and .....hmmmm....something else that only a Young Guy can eat without feeling guilty. I actually think the legs on Young Guy grew right there on the spot as he ate all that good stuff....
I tried to get Annie to come with me, but she said she couldn't because she didn't have a 'flowy' skirt or a bottle of bubbles. Well, her birthday is June 21 and guess what she's getting. No more excuses, Annie. Believe me, you'll have fun. Just ask Young Guy and he can tell you it was a BLAST.
The Brownies were there groovin' even before the music began....

Ricky was there, enlightening someone about somethin'......

The Girls can have a good time anywhere, but with music, weather, food, and a groovy environment, it's even better.....

One of the best parts, though, is the crowd watching. And when the music started, that's when we saw her, our HERO. This spunky woman stood out, first of all, because of her hair. Whoa! It was outstanding! And she could dance, oh yes she could! She had some great moves and she was dancing right from the start. Yep, I want to be like that when I get old. You can join me. What color is your hair gonna be? Work on your moves, cause, ladies, we're gonna be up there dancin'!

Sunday, June 1, 2008

My Observatory AND my Winery

Last weekend over Memorial Day, we took a hike up the mountain to our winery. I've talked about this winery and this hike....and the other one...the Hike to the Top of the World... a lot since we got back. But I wanted to let you know....it is the truth. The winery is there and the I WAS on the Top of the World. You'll see.


Let me first say, my friend Nancy (from VA) and I hiked for about 4 hours, some on the Appalachain Trail and then came DOWN onto Flat Top Mountain. You have a 270 degree view...west down into the Shenandoah Valley, north towards some lower mountains and then east into Bacon Hollow and towards Stanardsville, VA and as far as the eye can see. It's magnificent! There's even an observatory up there. So now I have a WINERY and and OBSERVATORY! Wow!


Lucy came out...I should say, she followed us out to our place. She doesn't remember it....she was just 4 when we left. But, haha! she couldn't BELIEVE that the road up to the old homestead was a state road. To that city girl, the road looked more like a PATH. Yep, it's true, even I have a hard time believing we drove our car up and down that mountain every day. We hiked with Lucy up to our winery and did the wine tasting again. Before, we were only thinking red, and the wines didn't taste so good and they were expensive too. Oh dear! It's bad to have a winery in your back yard.....well, practically....it's actually a 45 minute hike if you're pushing it....and some parts are really, really steep....but still, it stinks to have a winery RIGHT THERE and to not like the wine. But hooray, even though we're usually not so much into white wines, their Chardonney is pretty fine. Yippee! So a bottle of wine, some goat cheese with dill and garlic, sitting on a sky deck overlooking vinyards and miles of valley on a weather-perfect day, well, it doesn't get much better than that.
Oh, I had a story that I e-mailed out after the first time I went up to my winery that I'll include here cause it's sort of funny and helps illustrate the general area:
Woohoo, I "got wine" from MY vineyard and I need to read you the label. Firstly, though, let me say that in our neck of the woods in VA there are two very, very common names....Morris and Shifflet. In fact, it is quite common to read in the local paper that Crystal Morris married Elmer Morris and thus became Crystal Morris Morris or Lucille Shifflet becomes Lucille Shifflet Shifflet. In fact, the man we get our lumber from, Junior Morris...a really neat local man who is quite rich in broken down equipment and wonderful stories, is married to his wife Dorris, so it is quite conceivable that she is Dorris Morris Morris.

Anyway, areas around there are known as "hollows" and our place is in Shifflet Hollow. Our postmistress, Mrs. Loving...from the time when the mail was delivered more locally....picking up the mail through the open front window of her house from the closed-in porch... Mrs. Loving had to give us this little tidbit of info. When we first met Mrs. Loving, she informed us right off the bat to watch out for those Morrises. Those Morrisses had married each other so many times that they practically had NO noses left a'tall!! And over in Bacon Hollow, things were even more interesting....

I read in the paper that one of the Shifflets had had a car crash because someone in the backseat of the car had shot the DRIVER!.....and for dissing his dogs! Oh geez....you get the drift here....

OK, I'm getting to it.....MY winery says on the label of it's Pinot Grigio:

"Stone Mounain Vineyards is located in an area known as Bacon Hollow. While
Stone Mountain Vineyards is not the first to make alcoholic beverages in Bacon
Hollow, we are the first to do it legally."

HA!

We knew one of the old moonshiners....not personally, but whenever you were in a hurry....and the roads are very narrow and curvy... you'd end up behind Elmer Shifflet's rusted out old Chevy pickup wobbling and weaving down the road at about 20 mph. We all figured that if Elmer ever crashed, there'd be no damage cause he was never going fast enough....and someone was always stuck behind him to help him out.

A link to my vineyard: www.stonemountainvineyards.com . Check out the view from the "tasting room". Anyway, that's where my wine is from. A wine with a story.

Skinny White Boy from Alabama

Speaking of proud parents, when we were at the Chicago Blues Festival.....hmmmm....about 4 years ago....the 21st annual Chicago Blues Festival...there was a conversation I had there that came to mind the other night from a little snippet on the radio.

Steve and I were travelling down Rt. 13 in Delaware when we heard an old broadcast of R. L. Burnside introducing his grandson, Cedric Burnside. RL is gone now. He was a famous Blues Man and his son, Duwuane played guitar with the North Mississippi All Stars at some point. We saw Duwuane at Penn's Landing years ago. But then we also saw Cedric, the grandson, playing in Chicago. He's a drummer. He and this really Young Kid were the backup musicians for several famous Blues Men on one of the stages there in the Grant Park in Chicago. Anyway, Cedric and the Young Kid who was playing bass, backed up Kenny Brown (who RL considered a son.....who knows how Duwuane felt about that....that could be another story), Paul "Wine" Jones and a REALLY old guy named T Model Ford. Wow, they were so good!!

I noticed that there was something a little odd about the Young Bass Player Kid. I couldn't quite tell what it was. He just didn't look like he quite belonged with this group. He was dressed a little differently than you'd expect from a blues muscian, though I really don't know what proper blues-playing attire is. He had on sneakers and an orange and white striped long-sleeved rugby-looking shirt. A bit odd, but there was something else not quite right....I couldn't put my finger on it.

We were sitting on benches and I noticed just down the row from us was an older couple, grandparenty looking. And they were dressed differently than most Blues Festival attendees. The woman had on red polyester stretch pants with a polyester striped shirt and old-gal sandles. But she and the man, obviously her husband, were head-bopping right along with the music, looking so happy.

At some point during a break, the Young Bass Player Kid came over and was talking to the Older Couple, and then later when Steve went to get a couple of beers, I scooted over so I was next to them. I asked the woman if she knew the Young Kid, and yes, he was her son. She was just beaming with pride as I asked her about him. So cute.

As we were talking, I got the scoop on how Young Bass Player Kid came to be up on stage with all these venerable old Blues Men. As a young kid, he'd been sickly and couldn't play sports and instead took up the guitar and worked and worked at it. At some point, someone hadn't shown up to play a gig and a friend had suggested Young Bass Player Kid could fill in. The Blues Men loved him and so whenever they needed a bass man, they would say, "yeah, get me that Skinny White Boy from Alabama".

But his mom was laughing as she was telling me part of this story. She said she and her husband had come up from Alabama to watch him play at the House of Blues a couple of nights before and she thought it was GREAT that he was doing so well as to be able to play in that venue. And it was GREAT that he was getting recognized by Blues Men as such a good musician. But she said, "Ya know, though, it's a little funny. His regular and usual band is a HEAD-BANGER band. And I don't know, he really doesn't quite have the 'Blues Moves' down yet. He's playing the blues, but still doing 'Head-Banger' moves. Oh well, he'll get those moves down soon." Awww, how sweet is that?! She was loving it, but knew he still had a ways to go in the "moves" department.

But then it all became clear. What wasn't quite right was the MOVES. Oh yes, of course.

Sardoodledom

Just recently I've heard two items on the radio that made me think about a whole lot of stuff. The first was a really cute piece on NPR about the National Spelling Bee, where a kid got so tickled that he couldn't quit laughing. I definitely would have laughed too....the word he got was "Sardoodledom"....hahaha!....see, it IS a great word, kind of like a couple of my other favorites...bamboozle and flimflam. Who comes up with these wacky words anyway? But it got me to thinking. I know most parents love the sports that their children like and are good at. Sometimes you wonder how parents can make it through some of the sorts of sporting events that their kids participate in, but in the end, if your kid likes it and is good at it, it's fun to watch that joy develope. I remember when my girls played soccer and I wondered what in the heck was up with that whole Field Hockey stuff....weird sport, that. But then, as their love of that game developed and they got better at it, well, OK, yeah, it's a great game....never mind that I still don't get half the calls. But still and all, I'm really glad that Spelling Bees aren't where my girls found their niche. But again, if they had gone in that direction, I would've been there....of course.

So the other night after we came home from Beer Friday at the Sutter, PBS had on the finals of the Spelling Bee. How in the world can those kids know how to spell those words? Good grief! I don't even know what ANY of the last four words mean. The last four words were....introuvable, esclandre, prosopopoeia and guerdon!! Of course, I don't remember that, I had to look it up. But does anyone know what these words are all about?? Let me know, cause if you DO know these words off the top of your head, I swear, from now on I'll look at you funny. But the thing that was so striking was how excited the winner's parents were. Of course! Such elation, so proud they were about to pop. It could've been the championship game of any sporting event.

I imagine Spelling Bees to be pretty intense affairs. Serious, breath-holding events. So that's why hearing a contestant break down in a tickle was so great. Tra la, funnies at the Spelling Bee. By the way, I had to look up what Sardoodledom means.....in a play, contrived plot structure...so melodrama. Ok, let's see how long I can remember that. I may want to use it in casual conversation sometime.