Archaeological Dig

Yesterday I had a real bee in my bonnet. It was great because this is an extremely rare event....I was cleaning off the surfaces of clutter that were all over the house. Why yesterday when usually I go for months? I'm not sure, but there's probably something else I want to do even LESS than clean up. Anyway, I de-cluttered the coffee table and side tables in the living room, and a real BIGGIE, the dining room table mail heap was sorted and filed and probably the most important item in there thrown away with all the catalogues and out-of-date coupons for millions of dollars. And it felt so good and looked so calming that I felt positively holy. The Holy Clean-Up.

I was so inspired in fact....this is how everything is done here, in giant spurts until steam wears out....that I sure as heck better do it before the bee flies off and the steam disapates....that I decided to tackle the top of my dresser. Oh my! That place is like an archaeological (yes, I did have to look up that spelling) dig. Holy Mackeral! What a lot of stuff! It's a phenomenon (no, I didn't look that one up) in need of documentation. The photo above was taken AFTER the 3 "National Geographics", 4 "Newsweeks" and 3 books were removed!

Once I got started, though, I realized what neat a collection of STUFF there was on that dresser. Many of those things were gifts or cards given to me. A lot of it is "present futures", things I buy with the intent of giving them away...and then I never get around to it. So instead of sorting, throwing away and putting away, I started arranging these things into a shrine of sorts. See what you think:

Let's see what we have here:

• Stuffed Bear with pom-pom....gift to me, Happy Birthday
• Stuffed Black Lab Puppy....gift, soft, sweet, low maintenance
• DC Tour Package....gift, cashed in recently
• SuperMom Card....there's a whole other story with this one
• Hawaiiian Hula Girl....cheer-up present from when I broke my arm
• "Drink Up Bitches Pin"....encouragement and sass
• F@*#@K" Movie.....documentary....boring actually
• NYC Walking Tour Cards, Car-Talk One-a-Day Calendar, Grow-Your-Own-Sixpack seeds
• NCAA Championship Watch....will never, ever be worn in a million years
• Menu from restaurant in Maine....circa 2001
• Sexy Edible Panties and Peckermints....Silly Party alternate gifts
• Weird Knitted Hat...another story
• Travel Clock....never used
• Graduate Duck.....too late now
• Boss Lady Body Cream....yee doggies!
• 3 Mini Garden Gnomes.....for protecting gardens of my gardening friends...never sent
• Photo from High School....let's look at this a little more carefully.....

I AM in that photo. See if you can find me. Oh yes, what a DORK! haha!...that bubble of a hairstyle.

Also, you will notice the arrow, pointing to my friend, Betsy Crabtoes (not her real name). Betsy lived down the street from me and was my friend/enemy. Oh she could be so mean!! She mostly liked to "hang" with the older, more popular girls on our street but me and Holly (my next-door neighbor) would do in a pinch. But PINCHING was where Betsy Crabtoes excelled. She had these killer toes. I know it sounds really funny, but if you've ever been pinched by someone with "Toes of Steel" you wouldn't be laughing, oh no! She'd take that Big Toe of hers....and it was a HUGE toe....and quickly....she was fast as lightening!!....she'd take a hunk of your calf between her Big Toe and her Second Toe and PINCH the crap out of your leg! Man-O-Man, it could bring tears to your eyes.....and then she would laugh so hard. She was EVIL! So that's why I put those horns on her head...she was a Devil Girl! Decades later and I still cringe thinking about it.....