Heartsick, Mad and Embarrassed

I have been waiting for months to vote for Barack Obama. I love his message of unity....his ideal that we ALL need to work for progress.....together. I love that he's raised the level of discourse...in debating, in campaigning and in idea. I love that he's been positive rather than stooping to dirty "sound-bite" gotcha items. I love the spirit and message of hope that he's inspired in so many people. It was the very first time I've ever been so engaged in politics that I put out a yard sign. I felt this was such an important election that I also....for the first time....signed up to work for his campaign on election day. I also went to see Obama, not once, but twice, when he came to our area. So when I went to the poll yesterday, yeah, I was really excited to vote, more than I've ever been.

But I couldn't vote. When I got to the poll I found out I was registered as an Independent. How could I NOT know this!! I felt like I'd been hit in the gut with a sledge hammer. I felt like an idiot, but more than that, I couldn't vote when I most wanted to. Talk about SAD. Talk about MAD.....at myself. I'm still reeling from this. This lack of self-knowlege, this lack of getting my peas in a row. How could I have let this happen. I don't know.

I will also say, I don't know my blood-type either. I know I've learned it several times. And I know there is an A, a B or an O in it. But yeah, that's only because that's the only kinds there are. And I know it's a positive thing. Oh well.

So this morning when I woke up to find out that Hillary had gotten her 10%, I feel even sadder...and maybe even somewhat responsible. I have three daughters who didn't vote because they were away and didn't take the time to bother with the absentee ballots. I should've sent those to them with admonitions of no home cooking EVER AGAIN if they didn't vote. And I should've made damn sure that I was registered as a Democrat in order to be able to vote. So yeah, I feel really hearsick.

I will say, I know that many people voted for Hillary because of positives, for real issues that they think are important. It's not just because of the scare tactics (the 3 am phone call) or the negative campaigning that went on. Though, I still think Obama should and will get the nomination, if, in the end, Hillary becomes the candidate, I'll try to keep remembering that she wrote a book which has a title I really love. "It takes a Village". Though I haven't read it, I think the premise is really wonderful....because in the end it does take a village.

So, my self-image and my idealism took really big hits yesterday. Today, I'm trying to recuperate.